A shocker from the world of Chicago politics...
Just days before the election, Lincoln, the Chicago mayoral front runner and only canine in the race suddenly withdrew his candidacy. "I just don't have the balls for politics anymore," yelped Lincoln at his Trego, Wisconsin vacation home.
On Tuesday, Lincoln who lead all mayoral voter polls and has raised millions of dollars was neutered by Dr. Amanda Evans at Blum Hospital in Chicago. "The surgery was very successful and Lincoln was a total trooper, but he's not the man he used to be." quoted Dr. Evans.
Lincoln decided Saturday after many days of soul searching that he just doesn't have the balls to be mayor of Chicago. "It will take a candidate with big, big, big kahunas to get this great city back on track. I'm afraid I just don't qualify for the job anymore." Now barking in a high pitched tone, Lincoln roared, "I urge all my supporters to vote for the only candidate who qualifies for the job, Rahm Emanuel."
"I would like to give a bark out to all of my supporters who took an underdog and made him a superdog. I thank you."
Reporting from Washington —
Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) urged Thursday to a "rush to repeal" the 17-year-old law prohibiting "funny" cartoon canines from serving openly in the military, despite being a staunch supporter of the ban.
McCain made his emotional plea at the opening of an Armed Services Committee hearing on repealing the law after information was revealed that his close friend Snoopy is secretly "funny".
"I'm begging you, this law should be changed. My best cartoon friend is one of them" a tearful McCain said in his opening statement.
Although "funny" cartoon canines have served in the military for decades, most famous are Pluto, Goofy, Scooby-Doo and Underdog, who was an undercover spy in the 60's. Since 1994 more than 14,000 "funny" cartoon canines have been dismissed. The Defense Department specifies that cartoon canine service members who disclose they are "funny" or engage in "humorous" conduct shall be separated (discharged). They create an unacceptable risk to the high standards of morale, good order and discipline. "It is not acceptable to be "funny", they want them to be dead serious," McCain declared.
Serving in Vietnam with the "Flying Circus" squadron, McCain and Snoopy both endured five and a half years together as prisoners of war. "During all those years, I never really thought of him as "funny". He never once attempted a humorous act," McCain said. Details of Snoopy being "funny" were disclosed to John McCain after an aide found Snoopy featured in a daily syndicated cartoon strip titled "Peanuts". After reviewing this column and many hours of soul searching, McCain realized that his close dear friend was "funny" after all.
McCain made his emotional plea at the opening of an Armed Services Committee hearing on repealing the law after information was revealed that his close friend Snoopy is secretly "funny".
"I'm begging you, this law should be changed. My best cartoon friend is one of them" a tearful McCain said in his opening statement.
Although "funny" cartoon canines have served in the military for decades, most famous are Pluto, Goofy, Scooby-Doo and Underdog, who was an undercover spy in the 60's. Since 1994 more than 14,000 "funny" cartoon canines have been dismissed. The Defense Department specifies that cartoon canine service members who disclose they are "funny" or engage in "humorous" conduct shall be separated (discharged). They create an unacceptable risk to the high standards of morale, good order and discipline. "It is not acceptable to be "funny", they want them to be dead serious," McCain declared.
Serving in Vietnam with the "Flying Circus" squadron, McCain and Snoopy both endured five and a half years together as prisoners of war. "During all those years, I never really thought of him as "funny". He never once attempted a humorous act," McCain said. Details of Snoopy being "funny" were disclosed to John McCain after an aide found Snoopy featured in a daily syndicated cartoon strip titled "Peanuts". After reviewing this column and many hours of soul searching, McCain realized that his close dear friend was "funny" after all.