John McCain urges go-slow approach to 'don't ask, don't tell' repeal

Reporting from Washington —

Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) urged Thursday to a "rush to repeal" the 17-year-old law prohibiting "funny" cartoon canines from serving openly in the military, despite being a staunch supporter of the ban.


McCain made his emotional plea at the opening of an Armed Services Committee hearing on repealing the law after information was revealed that his close friend Snoopy is secretly "funny".
"I'm begging you, this law should be changed. My best cartoon friend is one of them" a tearful McCain said in his opening statement.

Although "funny" cartoon canines have served in the military for decades, most famous are Pluto, Goofy, Scooby-Doo and Underdog, who was an undercover spy in the 60's.  Since 1994 more than 14,000 "funny" cartoon canines have been dismissed. The Defense Department specifies that cartoon canine service members who disclose they are "funny" or engage in "humorous" conduct shall be separated (discharged). They create an unacceptable risk to the high standards of morale, good order and discipline. "It is not acceptable to be "funny", they want them to be dead serious," McCain declared.

Serving in Vietnam with the "Flying Circus" squadron,  McCain and Snoopy both endured five and a half years together as prisoners of war. "During all those years, I never really thought of him as "funny". He never once attempted a humorous act," McCain said.  Details of Snoopy being "funny" were disclosed to John McCain after an aide found Snoopy featured in a daily syndicated cartoon strip titled "Peanuts". After reviewing this column and many hours of soul searching,  McCain realized that his close dear friend was "funny" after all.